2013 – the starting

I had a dream last night that I had cancer. It wasn’t any big deal. I just told everyone I had cancer. The next day (in the dream) I read in the paper that cancer had been cured. I woke up this morning feeling a little frightened about the dream; I mean, who knows what the body tells us when we sleep, but somehow also comforted by the fact that cancer had been cured. Once I had a dream that I was in a plane and the plane started to spiral downward. In the dream I said to myself, “I’m going to live through this.”

It’s the first part of January 2013. I started this blog last March, because my son’s voice cracked. I had spent 5 years writing a blog, One Year of Opus, and I didn’t realize it at the time but it became a wonderful diary/history of my life during those years. A chronical of the time I spent with my mom while she died, the ending of a really shitty relationship, and also a glimpse at my son growing up. I want to do that again. My son, Jay, now 14 (15 in 4 days) is in high school. Changing, growing, becoming the adult he will have to live with for the rest of his life. I want to write this for him. To see where he was, and where I was, and where he came from. I will write sporadically, and with heart. I cared so much if other people read my other blog, and this time I don’t even know if I’ll mention it to anyone. I want to say…… no recipes here, no drivel, no craft making or book reviews but, hahaha, there will be all of that and more. I’d give anything to read about y own life when I was younger, written from another perspective. I’d give anything to read about my mother’s life, at any point about any topic or thought. This is mostly for Jay, and a little for me. Some where in a video camera is a 30 minute video I made one day while Jay was at school and Barry was at work. It’s just me, dancing and talking and folding laundry. It’s for my grandkids, who I may never know. I was 38 when Jay was born, and he may not have kids until he’s 40. So I wanted to be who I am now, for the future people who may want to know what I was like.

So, here it starts, really. I think I can do this. I hope I keep up with it. I have to.